When we face a life or death crisis, all of a sudden pride and superficialities fall away. We become totally emptied out and desperate for God to fill the uncertainty with hope.
I wish it were the same with the imminent possibility of the death of a marriage.
Sadly, instead, the leaving spouse often becomes more prideful and clings to superficialities that support their case for dissolving the marriage. Although not always the case, it is not uncommon for the other, often clueless spouse to become humbled by the pronouncement that the marriage may be over. The positive side of this, if there is one, is that it focuses attention on the marriage problems and may be the only thing that moves a resistant spouse to seek outside help.
Here are the top ten lame excuses people use to justify a divorce. (Thanks to Dr. David Clarke – David Clarke Seminars)
- “I don’t love you anymore.” (Obviously you don’t understand love. You still think it’s a feeling.)
- “I never loved you.” (Really? It was an arranged marriage?)
- “I felt pressured to get married.” (Somebody actually held a gun to your head, huh?)
- “I need to find myself.” (Let us help you – you’re married, perhaps with kids.”)
- “It’s not you, it’s me.” (Now we’re getting to the truth.)
- “I’m having a midlife crisis.” (I guess you think that gives you permission to engage in all kinds of sinful behavior.”),
- “God wants me to be happy.” (Sorry, not Biblical. He wants you to be holy.)
- “It’s better for the kids.” (No, it’s not. Kids always do better in an intact family, even if it’s conflictual.)
- “My needs aren’t being met.” (You haven’t insisted that your needs be met by learning how to effectively confront your spouse.)
- “I’ve fallen in love with my soul mate.” (No, it’s your sin mate. You have compromised your character and integrity.”)
Can you add to my list? I’ll bet some of the counselors out there can.