If you are recently married or hope to be, this will be of most interest to you.
I sometimes notice an inconsistency in couples before and after marriage. This difference is a result of being in the “acquisition mode” versus the “marriage mode”.
In the acquisition mode we are on our best behavior. We are kind, attentive and interested. We do things the other person likes to do. We dress for them, we can’t wait to see them or talk to them. And we keep ourselves in the best shape that we can.
For some folks that changes after the rings are on.
He proposed when she was a certain weight, and she accepted him at his current state of physicality. (Yes, I know she sometimes slims down for the wedding dress.) But did she start adding pounds after the wedding, and did Mr. Work Out turn into Mr. Couch Potato? That’s not fair to either one of them. Yes, I know our body changes over the years – for women especially during pregnancy. But we can work to keep ourselves in reasonable shape. I’m not advocating becoming compulsive or obsessive about it.
1 Timothy 4:8 “Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.”
Ladies, good men will rarely talk about this issue with you – but he is probably thinking it. And if you ask him about it, he will deny it. But it affects his desire. This is one of the big fears of pre-married men.
What affects a woman’s desire? It is the way you treat her. Do you still take her out on dates? Are you friendly? Do you still listen to her? One of the big fears for women is that he will lose interest in her.
Sometimes guys will slip back into old habits after marriage (women, too). Did you give up smoking, drinking, drugs, cussing, pornography or something else only to resume sometime after the wedding? Not fair. Did you pray or read the Bible while you were dating, but let that slide, too? That is deception and it will affect her desire for you.
Sometimes people check off marriage on a to-do list. Then they shift their attention to the next thing. Marriage – check. Next item – baby, or boat or motorcycle or whatever. That isn’t fair to your partner. They married you to be with you, not for you to abandon them to a child or hobby or career.
Do not pretend before you get married. If you are not into sports, say so. If you hate going out to movies, make sure your beloved knows that. If you have a low desire for sex, or are afraid of it – make sure you talk about that.
If you have been married for a while, the same things still apply, even though it may be more difficult to get back on track. You may have to start back up that road slowly. I would suggest that it is honoring to God when you do.